Please… please… PLEASE don’t steal my leftovers! I know you technically paid for this meal, but I haven’t had a bite to eat since I left the styrofoam factory… and that was SIX months ago.
Lord, if only I was biodegradable. Then at least time would have put me out of my misery by now. But instead I get to starve indefinitely, until some merciful soul of a garbage man crushes me into a heap before carting me to the dump. And who knows when that day will even come!?